On the late Captain Grose’s Peregrinations

7If in your bounds ye chance to light

8Upon a fine, fat fodgel wight,

9O’ stature short, but genius bright,

10 That’s he, mark weel;

11And wow! he has an unco sleight

12 O’ cauk and keel.

13By some auld, houlet-haunted biggin,

14Or kirk deserted by its riggin,

15It’s ten to ane ye’ll find him snug in

16 Some eldritch part,

17Wi’ deils, they say, L—d save’s! colleaguin

18 At some black art.

19Ilk ghaist that haunts auld ha’ or chaumer,

20Ye gipsy-gang that deal in glamour,

21And you, deep-read in hell’s black grammar,

22 Warlocks and witches,

23Ye’ll quake at his conjuring hammer,

24 Ye midnight bitches.

25It’s tauld he was a sodger bred,

26And ane wad rather fa’n than fled;

27But now he’s quat the spurtle-blade,

28 And dog-skin wallet,

29And taen the—Antiquarian trade,

30 I think they call it.

31He has a fouth o’ auld nick-nackets:

32Rusty airn caps and jinglin jackets,

33Wad haud the Lothians three in tackets,

34 A towmont gude;

35And parritch-pats and auld saut-backets,

36 Before the flood.

37Of Eve’s first fire he has a cinder;

38Auld Tubalcain’s fire-shool and fender;

39That which distinguished the gender

40 O’ Balaam’s ass:

41A broomstick o’ the witch of Endor,

42 Weel shod wi’ brass.

43Forbye, he’ll shape you aff fu’ gleg

44The cut of Adam’s philibeg;

45The knife that nickit Abel’s craig

46 He’ll prove you fully,

47It was a faulding jocteleg,

48 Or lang-kail gullie.

49But wad ye see him in his glee,

50For meikle glee and fun has he,

51Then set him down, and twa or three

52 Gude fellows wi’ him:

53And port, O port! shine thou a wee,

54 And THEN ye’ll see him!

55Now, by the Pow’rs o’ verse and prose!

56Thou art a dainty chield, O Grose!—

57Whae’er o’ thee shall ill suppose,

58 They sair misca’ thee;

59I’d take the rascal by the nose,

60 Wad say, “Shame fa’ thee!”