Fears and Scruples

5Loved I not his letters full of beauty?

6 Not his actions famous far and wide?

7Absent, he would know I vowed him duty,

8 Present, he would find me at his side.

9Pleasant fancy! for I had but letters,

10 Only knew of actions by hearsay:

11He himself was busied with my betters;

12 What of that? My turn must come some day.

13"Some day" proving — no day! Here's the puzzle.

14 Passed and passed my turn is. Why complain?

15He's so busied! If I could but muzzle

16 People's foolish mouths that give me pain!

17"Letters?" (hear them!) "You a judge of writing?

18 Ask the experts! — How they shake the head

19O'er these characters, your friend's inditing —

20 Call them forgery from A to Z!

21"Actions? Where's your certain proof" (they bother)

22 "He, of all you find so great and good,

23He, he only, claims this, that, the other

24 Action — claimed by men, a multitude?"

25I can simply wish I might refute you,

26 Wish my friend would, — by a word, a wink, —

27Bid me stop that foolish mouth, — you brute you!

28 He keeps absent, — why, I cannot think.

29Never mind! Tho' foolishness may flout me.

30 One thing's sure enough; 'tis neither frost,

31No, nor fire, shall freeze or burn from out me

32 Thanks for truth — tho' falsehood, gained — tho' lost.

33All my days, I'll go the softlier, sadlier,

34 For that dream's sake! How forget the thrill

35Thro' and thro' me as I thought, "The gladlier

36 Lives my friend because I love him still!"

37Ah, but there's a menace some one utters!

38 "What and if your friend at home play tricks?

39Peep at hide-and-seek behind the shutters?

40 Mean your eyes should pierce thro' solid bricks?

41'What and if he, frowning, wake you, dreamy?

42 Lay on you the blame that bricks — conceal?

43Say '_At least I saw who did not see me,

44 Does see now, and presently shall feel_'?"

45"Why, that makes your friend a monster!" say you;

46 "Had his house no window? At first nod,

47Would you not have hailed him?" Hush, I pray you!

48 What if this friend happen to be — God?